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Redmond, WA - Microsoft announced a revolutionary new feature will
appear in Word 2004 called AutoUnsummarize. The technology works
by taking short, concise sections of text and expanding them to any
specified length.
 "The
technology is simple," said Microsoft Office Research Division Head,
Richard Greenwood, "students have been doing it for years. Thanks
to the power of Microsoft Word 2004, anybody can turn a five-hundred-word
report into a ten-thousand-word masterpiece."
Microsoft programmers discovered the technology after coding the AutoSummarize
code in reverse as an April Fool’s Day prank. From there it gained unexpected
popularity within the department.
College student Chris McLaughlin reacted favorably to the news. "This is
the best," he said, "I always hated screwing with the margins and font
sizes just to get my reports to the required length. Now all I have to do is
write a hundred words and hit the unsummarize button. Wham! Instant marks. I
love it."
“What an idea,” remarked business leader Karl Armitage, “with
this there's nothing I can't do in a few seconds. Reports, interim reports, subinterim
reports... just about anything. I thought I had it easy before, but now I can
finally live up to my websurfing potential.”
Not all reactions were positive, however. Jones Elementary schoolteacher
Cathy Morrison said, "This is bad news. How can I be sure my
students are not just using AutoUnsummarize for their book reports
and essays? Will I have to use AutoSummarize on their work and check
whether it produces a coherent result? This is ridiculous."
When asked for comment on the ethical issues present, Greenwood promised to
have a five-thousand word report ready by Monday.
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