Washington D. C. - Due to a rash of exploding iPhones, the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) has banned airline passengers from bringing the phones on board the airplane. Passengers will still be able to place iPhones in checked luggage.
Acting Administrator of the TSA Gale Rossides said, "The explosive nature of the iPhone has forced us to classify it as an explosive," said Rossides. "Also we have received intelligence reports of terrorists using the phone in IEDs in Iraq, so it won't be long before they try to use them to blow up a plane."
The ban does not affect any other brand of smart phone, leaving many to think Apple is being singled out by the TSA. A charge that Rossides denies. "We are not banning any iPod including the iPod Touch. This is purely based on the facts of the situation. If Blackberries start exploding than they will be considered for the ban as well," said Rossides.
Apple has denied they are at fault for the exploding iPhones, alleging that iPhones only explode when violating Apple's terms of service by setting the phone next to a Windows PC for a period over 5 hours or calling Apple tech support more than 3 times.
Sara Botchman of Apple said, "People have been known to spontaneously combust, are we going to ban people from planes now too?"
Rossides confirmed that people will not be banned from planes until it becomes necessary.
Travelers affected by the ban voiced anger over the change. "Liquids, swords and now iPhones? What am I supposed to do on the plane?" said Marc Allenburg of Indianapolis. "I guess I'll have to go back to masturbating under the blanket."
Travelers without iPhones were mostly pleased by the news. "It's kinda annoying to sit next to someone with an iPhone. They're enjoying a movie, or playing a game and I'm stuck there doing the crossword puzzle in the in-flight magazine," said Barb Morton of Leesburg, Virginia. "You have to admit that most iPhone owners are dicks about it."
The ban goes into effect immediately.
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