Thursday, December 4 12:00 AM ET

NASA Putting Sponsored Items into Orbit

Houston, TX — Following the success of putting the first toolbag into orbit, NASA has announced that it will start accepting sponsorships to put other items in orbit.

"It's serendipity. Just as we are facing cut backs, this toolbag thing happens. We haven't received that much publicity since Apollo 13," said NASA director Bud Grillig. "We know Obama promised $2 billion for NASA, but economic realities mean that we're likely facing budget cuts. We need to come up with creative solutions to keep the space program going, at least until we finish up the warp drive, and can charge people for trips to Cylon-occupied Caprica."

The first two sponsors that will have products put into orbit are Sears and Nike. Astronauts will put a Sears Craftsmen 15-piece ratchet and socket set into orbit, this time on purpose. Also, a Juice 312 golf ball by Nike Golf will be set adrift.

"Since we're limited by cargo space on the space shuttles, we have to eliminate some items from big advertisers. Like we can't put the new Cadillac Escalade in orbit, but I did just make $1000 for NASA by mentioning it," said Grillig.

NASA has also set up a Web site for citizens to vote one person into orbit, and generates revenue from Google ads on the page. Currently George W. Bush leads Michael Bay and the corpse of Christopher Reeve in balloting. "It's probably the only election Bush could win at this time," said Grillig

Paris Hilton has reportedly already paid NASA $1.25 million to launch her latest fragrance Fairy Dust. People close to Paris tried to explain it wasn't that type of launch, but she couldn't be reasoned with.

Protests from PETA prevented NASA from putting pigs in space for the Jim Henson Company.