Washington DC - A group of hackers, crackers and malicious code
writers filed suit today against several prominent businesses and
organizations, insisting that they should receive health care and
retirement benefits for their work at the companies' web sites. Amongst
the companies and organizations listed in the lawsuit were the Department
of Defense (DoD), Amazon, Microsoft, and of course the RIAA.
"I
read about how eBay
is providing health benefits to its sellers, and I thought, if
they can get it, why not me?" stated William Kenowitz, aka Phr1d4y. "I
mean, damn, I spend as much time on-line as some power seller, and
if I come down with the flu, that can take me away from checking
out CNN's perimeter defenses for a week, maybe longer."
Fellow claimant Ganesh Rudhi agreed. "I was working some huge
hours putting the final touches on my fourth DDOS attack against
the RIAA website when, bang, I pulled a back muscle while hunched
over my laptop. It cost me a bloody fortune at the emergency room,
and by the time I could get back online, they had changed their firewall
configuration. Wasted weeks of effort for nothing."
The hacking community is predominately composed of high school and
college students due to the availability of health coverage by hackers'
parents or schools. Oftentimes as soon as that coverage ends, however,
so does a hacker's career in favor of one that will provide needed
benefits.
Attorney Sam Tonning made an official statement after filing the
lawsuit in court. "These people are hard working Americans,
and they deserve the same fundamental protection as the rest of the
working community. Their actions force Microsoft into actually fixing
their software, and keep thousands of people employed at companies
like Symantec, ZoneLabs and SANS. It is simply unethical for society
to allow them to fall through the cracks without simple health care
or retirement plans."
A self-styled hacker only known as "bUbBlEs" added, "We
only want what's fair. That Mitnick guy got free room and board from
the government for five years. We're not going that far. Me, I'd
be happy with a 401k account matched by the DoD." When notified
that the military does not use 401k accounts, bUbBlEs exclaimed, "You
gotta be kidding - that's even worse than us. All right, I'll take
shares of Microsoft instead." Microsoft stock lost 1.26 on the
news.
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