Monday, December 18 12:00 AM ET

MIT Scientists Create
One-Sided Mobius Pizza

Cambridge, MA: Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have finally succeeded in creating the long sought after mobius pizza, a one sided pizza completely covered with toppings.

Science has long been aware that pizza lovers prefer toppings more than a bare crust. "We've attempted to solve this problem by adding flavorings and or cheese to outer crust or to make a deep dish styled pie filled with toppings," stated MIT's Chief Scientist of Foodology, Dr. John Jacobs. "Of course such actions did nothing regarding the pizza's long ignored side, the bottom side."

Pizza scientists, philosophers, and theologians have long theorized of the existence of a one sided pizza completed covered with rich gooey toppings for the utmost in pizza pleasure.

Plato wrote in 412 BC that the typical two sided pizza was merely an imperfect materialization of the ideal one-sided form of a true pizza. Rene Descartes continued this line of reasoning in his Principles and Passions on Pizza, where he wrote that because the bottom side was facing down and invisible to the eye, he could not even prove its existence, thus there had to be a perfect pizza where all sides were visible. In more modern history Alexander Graham Bell devoted decades and hundreds of research assistants to the problem, but at best could only get a pizza with 1.999999 sides. Even Albert Einstein once remarked that he regretted that a one sided pizza would never be realized in his lifetime after his infamous P=st² equation failed to produce any real world results.

Until only recently, scientists could create a pizza with 1.0000001 sides, but its atomic weight was unevenly distributed allowing it to exist for only milliseconds before collapsing in on itself. However, the researchers at MIT finally formalized the mathematical underpinnings. "It turns out that for the three thousand years we've been forgetting to carry over the three. We're all quite embarrassed about it," admitted Dr. Jacobs.

The mobius pizza can only be created in a zero-gravity oven specifically designed for the United States military. It is expected to be sold in the coming year exclusively through newly created Halliburton Pizza outlets for only $9999.97 with your choice of three toppings.

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