Friday, October 20 12:00 AM ET

Turing Test Proves 2-Year-Olds Not Human

Boston , MA - Researchers at MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) have used the Turing Test to determine that most 2-year-old children are not human.

The Turing Test, named after Alan Turing, consists of a human (the Judge) engaging in conversation with another human, and a third party (which up to this point has always been a machine). If the Judge cannot tell which is which, then the machine passes the Turing Test. Otherwise, it is deemed just a machine.

Roger Mason and Cao Li, as part of their Doctoral thesis, have performed the Turing Test on a group of 2-year-old children, both male and female. The results show that of a group of 100 children, none passed the Turing Test.

Henry Farlington, one of the judges used in the experiment, commented, "It was rather simple to discern who the real human was. The non-human kept writing gibberish, if they wrote anything at all. It was as if someone was just banging on the keyboard with tiny little fists."

Mason said, "This began as a study in human communication, but one of our Computer Science friends mentioned the whole concept of the Turing Test to us, and we decided to give it a go. Little did we know that we'd reach such an astounding result."

"We're planning on running the experiment again, but with different age groups," added Li. "Also, we'd like to try with a larger sample to corroborate our findings. We've already had several parents offer their 'darling little machines' to us for use in future experiments. This scientific breakthrough may well change the world as we know it."

Governments all over the world have begun to change Child Labor Laws, and Pro-Choice supporters are already in talks with Mason and Li to perform the same test on fetuses.

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