Student Suspended Over Suspected Use of PHP
Topeka, KS - High school sophomore Brett Tyson was suspended today after teachers learned he may be using PHP. "A teacher overheard him say that he was using PHP, and as…
Metallica’s New Album is Napster-Proof
Los Angeles, CA - Metallica released their long awaited "Download This" CD today, and the band declared it Napster-proof. The 74 minute CD contains one 55 minute song, "Napster Begone"…
New Ford Exorbitant Comes With Spare Explorer
Detroit, MI - Ford Motor Company announced today the new Ford Exorbitant. The Ford Exorbitant seats 50 comfortably, and even comes with a spare Ford Explorer. The Exorbitant, built on…
Overclocker Creates Rift in Space-Time Continuum
Santa Cruz, CA - A rift in the space-time continuum was created today when overclocker Jamie Aperman ran a 750 MHz Coppermine Pentium III at 1.6 GHz. Overclocking has long…
Office Jesus Turns Water Into Coffee
Lufkin, TX - The workers of Selby Communications are happy once again this morning, as their Office Jesus worked his miracles with the coffee machine. Every morning for the past…
Linux Kernel Delayed By Microsoft’s Army of Evil Monkeys
Around the World - Linus Torvalds announced yesterday that the Linux Kernel 2.4 will be delayed. He blamed the delay on interference from Microsoft's Army of Evil Monkeys. The army…
Microsoft Purchase Evil from Satan
Redmond, WA - Microsoft purchased evil from Satan for $2.7 billion after many months of tough negotiations. "We've been after Satan for some time," said CEO Steve Ballmer. "Negotiations were tough,…
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