|
Reviewinator |
| Starring |
Mike
Myers |
| Director |
Bo
Welch |
| Official Site |
Link |
| US Opening |
November 21, 2003
|
| Rated |
PG |
| Genre |
Dr. Suess desecration |
| Trailer Clichés |
"From the producer of..." |
| Explosions |
0 |
| Weapons |
Falling dresser, Mike Myers |
| Voiceover |
Yes |
| "In a world where..." |
"The ultimate game of cat and house."
|
| Spoilage Factor |
45% |
| Geek Factor |
5% (CGI character, cult children's book) |
| See Trailer? |
No |
| See Movie? |
No |
I am The Cat in the Hat trailer.
The Cat in the Hat trailer I am.
And I suck.
Did these people even read the book? I have a feeling they didn’t.
They had some guy who read the book about twenty years ago tell them
about it while they were all drunk. Then they continued drinking
while they cast the roles for the movie. Then they switched to acid
when they made the sets. Crack when they shot the scenes. Speedballs
when they made the trailer.
I realize the producers of this film needed to flesh out the story
to fit the feature-length requirement. I don’t want a word
for word adaptation of the children’s story. I do, however,
expect it to be true to the spirit of the book, much like The
Lord of the Rings. Maybe someday Peter Jackson will decide to
do The Cat in the Hat, or at least somebody who’s read
the book and directed a movie before.
 |
|
"We
missed it by this much."
|
This trailer was not made in the spirit of the book. This trailer
is not funny. It does not make me want to see the movie. This trailer
has cost this economy three million jobs. This trailer is a miserable
failure.
My first thought when I saw the trailer was, “That’s
Mike Myers in a cheap cat suit.” It looks hideous. Maybe Seuss’ drawings
can’t be adapted to anything, but animation. Visually neither
The Grinch nor this trailer reminded me of Seuss.
My next objection is the rating. How could the Cat in the Hat be
rated PG? Double entendres? Crude humor? In an earlier version of
the trailer, Mike Myers in a cat suit looks at a centerfold of the
kids’ mother. Is that in the spirit of Seuss? I might expect
a Willy Wonka fright from this movie, but not that.
And, Mike Myers is the wrong choice for the cat in the hat. The
cat isn’t fat. The cat isn’t a comedian. The cat is more
of a suave, mischievous type. His voice in my head doesn’t
have a strange accent either. I think a better choice would’ve
been Alan Cumming,
but his name doesn’t have the box office draw, too bad for
us.
 |
|
"I
was even more wasted when I agreed to do this movie."
|
Conclusion on Trailer: Do not see it on TV, do not see it
on DVD. You will not like this hatty cat. You will not like it, this
I spat.
Conclusion on Movie: Reasons to see this movie:
1. Hired killer kidnaps family and will kill them unless you go
to see it.
2. You worked on the movie and it’s in your contract to be
at the premiere.
3. You think this movie will be so bad that it goes right past bad
into good again.
Otherwise, rent the Chuck Jones version of The Grinch Who Stole
Christmas instead.
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|
