San Francisco, CA – The popular e-cigarette manufacturer, Juul, announced today that they will be expanding their product line to include a sleek new collection of medical oxygen tanks.
“We understand that our customers have health concerns, and we want to be there for them every step of the way,” said Juul CEO, Kevin Burns. “Our new line of Medical Oxygen Tanks ensures that our loyal customers, or as we like to call them, our family, will always have access to the cleanest and purest oxygen available.”
Juul’s new line of oxygen tanks comes in a variety of colors, including classic black and white, as well as limited edition shades like neon green and hot pink. Each tank is stamped with Juul’s iconic logo, ensuring that even when customers are struggling to breathe, they can do it in style.
But why is a company known for selling products that cause lung cancer and bronchitis suddenly getting into the oxygen business? “It’s all part of our business model,” Burns explained. “We’re not just selling addictive products that destroy your lungs anymore. We’re also providing the solution to the problem we created.”
Juul’s new oxygen tanks will be sold in packs of three, with each tank designed to last up to 48 hours. Customers can purchase the tanks online or at select retailers across the country.
But Juul isn’t stopping there. “Our final stage of vertical integration will be custom 3D Printed Juul Lungs, or Jungs™,” Burns revealed. “In the future, only losers will have homemade lungs.”
Critics have expressed concern that Juul’s new product line will only encourage more people to use their e-cigarettes, leading to more cases of lung disease and addiction. But Burns insists that Juul has only the best interests of their customers at heart.
“At Juul, we’re committed to providing our family with the best products and services possible,” Burns said. “We’re not just a company, we’re a community. And we’ll always be there for our family, no matter what.”
Michael Briggs contributed to this story. Email the author.