11. Unplug all power from company computers and have everybody do their work with pen and paper.
10. Make sure your company never has any cash.
9. Fire Bob in accounting. He’s actually part of a Russian hacker group. Never remembering his password is just a ruse.
8. Rename your internal network to **UNHACKABLE**, which will scare off the hackers.
7. Put all your company funds on a cryptocurrency exchange, so it will be stolen by someone else first.
6. Invest in cybersecurity software that will cost you more than if you got hacked.
5. End “Click on every link in every email” Tuesdays.
4. Keep all valuable data on a USB drive that you take home every evening.
3. Expand the 2-character limit on passwords.
2. Consider upgrading your security team. Your 12-year-old nephew Nathan might be cheap, but he’s compromised.
1. Configure firewalls to block ports 69 and 420 because that’s where all the shenanigans happen.