Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
As it turns out, overclocking the office coffeemaker doesn't make you more productive, but your co-workers have become increasingly annoying.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
The pathetic state of your life becomes crystal clear this week when you realize you have more motherboards than friends.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Your well-rehearsed diatribe on the advantages of Linux over Windows and the monopolistic practices of Microsoft is a sight to behold, however, your mom just wanted to know how to check her e-mail.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
You left the rules for "Fight Club" in the copier again, and now Stuart, the mailroom guy with the lazy eye and clubfoot wants to join.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
You will get a chance this week to sacrifice your self-respect and dignity for a larger cubicle. The choice will be much more difficult than you had anticipated.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
If cleanliness is next to godliness then your desk must be an atheist.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
An unfortunate backhoe accident that cuts both your cable and telephone connections leads you to discover a beautiful and enchanting world that others call "outside."

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
The stars don't care how close that spider was to your overclocked Athlon. It's not going to bite you and give you super-spider powers.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Maybe debugging perl code wasn't the best career choice with your severe dyslexia and your curly-braces phobia.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
The switch to Linux was a lot less painful than you expected. The surprise beating you received from Microsoft's Persuasion Squad evened things out.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Your boss doesn't buy the excuse that the router lights hypnotized you, and you still have to get the code done on time. The router laughs.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
You're so far down on Santa's naughty list, that instead of coal, he's leaving a copy of Novell Netware in your stocking.

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