Monday, January 11 12:00 AM ET

Apple Surprises with Early Announcement of New "Tablet"

By Brian Briggs follow me on Twitter.

Cupertino, CA - Worried that details of their new tablet would leak before the scheduled media event, Steve Jobs took to the podium at a hastily arranged press conference to announce the iPill tablet from Apple.

Many tech pundits have speculated a tablet computing product would be announced, however, Jobs revealed that Apple was entering the pharmaceutical delivery market.

Jobs did not say what, if any, medicines the iPill contained, but he did give a hint when he said, "While the iPill only comes in one color before you take it, you'll be seeing a lot of colors after you take it, and some of them will be talking to you."

This comment has led to speculation that the iPill contains a hallucinogenic concoction created from extracts of Jobs' bodily fluids.

As with all Apple products, the iPill is gorgeous. "No square corners to get caught on your throat or anus and absolutely no buttons," said Jobs. "The brushed metal lubri-coating allows for easy swallowing or insertion."

Reporters and bloggers were thoroughly confused. "I was expecting a 10 inch tablet, not a 10 mm one," said Randy Windhard from TechMonkeyJunkie.com. "I love it though, and can't wait to take my medicine from Apple."

Others were not so sanguine, "Consumers are used to taking it up the ass from Apple, but this is ridiculous," said Peter Franklin from dudewhohateseverythingapple.me.com.

The iPill will be available for $599 without a doctor's prescription directly from Apple, or $199 with a prescription from one of Apple's Medical Geniuses in Mexico.