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Tuesday, December 1, 12:00 AM EDT

Imaginary Features for the Imaginary Apple Tablet


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11. No-button design makes it impossible to turn on.
10. Fully integrates into your flying car.
9. The startup sound has the ability to tame unicorns and capture leprechauns.
8. It's only available in the colour Smug.
7. When not in use, the tablet can be stored in the Ark of The Covenant (included)
6. Does not even have a battery to remove. Powered only by your awesomeness.
5. Has LubriSlime coating so it's easier to swallow.
4. Can be used as a flotation device.
3. Automatically downloads free hardware upgrades.
2. Only plays content in new media format so any electronic media you have will need to be repurchased.
1. Was created by man. It rebelled. It evolved. It looks and feels human. Some are programmed to think they are human. There are many copies. And they have… a plan.



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