Thursday, May 14 12:00 AM ET

Apple Rejects Jesus Raping Retarded Children with Hitler's Penis iPhone App

By Brian Briggs

Cupertino, CA - Apple continues its unbridled censorship of the iPhone app store by rejecting an application that depicts Jesus raping retarded children with Hitler's penis.

The developer of the application, Happy Funsoft, who had no trouble getting other applications like Maze Master and Bike Race 3000 approved was outraged. "I'm not sure what their problem is. We poured thousands of man-hours into this project, and now at the whim of some uptight stiff at Apple, it all goes down the drain," said Happy Funsoft president Angel Goodman. "The arbitrariness of the rejection astounds me."

In the application, entitled Fun with Children, users must shake the iPhone or iPod Touch to get Jesus to do his thing with Hitler's penis. The faster the shaking the faster Jesus moves. "It's great fun," said Goodman. "I don't know what Apple's problem is."

Bloggers shared the outrage of Goodman. "It's a slippery slope that Apple's sliding down. First it's baby shaking apps, and now this. Pretty soon the app store will be empty ," said Garrett Williams of the Free Speech Now blog. "Apple doesn't have a moral high ground to stand on, I mean they sell High School Musical 3 in the iTunes store already."

Many fundamentalist Christian organizations were upset with Apple for creating a device that could run an application like that. Some groups were going so far as to download the application onto jailbroken iPhones so they could burn them in bonfires. Poorer groups just burned pictures of iPhones they printed out from the Internet.

Groups like the KKK were unsure about how to feel about the whole thing. Grand Wizard David Austin said, "I like Jesus and Hitler, but I'm uncomfortable with Jesus touching Hitler's package like that."

Microsoft said they had no problem offering the application on the upcoming ZunePhone, but said they would require the developer to blur out the faces of the children.