Friday, July 27 12:00 AM EDT

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
The bad news: You'll be arrested for running a robot fighting operation.  The worse news: You're going to have Judge Asimo.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
You'll find that switching the ends of the cable not only solves your network problem, but it gives you ice cream for life at Baskin-Robbins.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
A swarm of ninjas will make sure your day is no longer monotonous.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
The giant fan you have for cooling your CPU works really well, unfortunately it also causes hurricanes.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
The stars forsee a bright future for you. Your boss will finally approve switching your 25-Watt light bulb for a 50-Watt one.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
This will be a good week to improve your relationship with your in-laws, so your best bet will be to hide in the basement until it's over.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
You'll find that your support for HD-DVD does have a price.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Using lolcats as background images for your powerpoint presentation was wrong, but even worse was titling it "in ur puter, writin ur softwear."

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
You'll discover a method for faster-than-light travel. Unfortunately it will cause the universe to implode so no one will ever know of your genius.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
This week you will be surprised by the amount of nacho cheese you can consume. The day after that you'll be surprised by something else. You know what I'm talking about.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
The stars are feeling a little funny this week, and suggest you rely on fortune cookies instead.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
The people at Facebook would appreciate it if you stop sending in drawings of faces, and would like to tell you that you fail at the internets.