Friday, June 9 12:00 AM EDT

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
If you can't stand the heat, get your fingers off the heat sink.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
You will be disappointed when your old high school refuses to reprint the 1986 yearbook with a photoshopped image of you without a mullet.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
The summer heat will give you another excuse to remain in the cool confines of the basement.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
You will lose a couple fingers when experimenting with some "high-end" cooling fans.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Your girlfriend will have trouble understanding your computer analogies. Time to use something other than "slipping my video card into your PCI-express slot."

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Your plot to murder your boss goes awry when you realize you are self-employed.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Neighbors will complain when your "mosquito repeller" that requires a 25000 watt subwoofer, shakes their house off of its foundation.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
At the MIT conference they said $100 "laptop" not "lap dance". You'll be a lot poorer after your research into a $100 lap dance. At least the research was fun.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
Nine out of ten astrologers agree, "Montezuma's Revenge" is not a good name for a Mexican Restaurant.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
The stars want you to know that your "I survived 06/06/06" T-Shirt business will be a financial failure.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Don't expect much for Father's day. It's unlikely any of the kids produced by your donations the sperm bank will track you down.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
The FBI is tracking which library books you check out. Maybe it's time to start reading Neal Stephenson instead of Mary Higgins Clark.