Friday, April 28 12:00 AM EDT

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Running your webserver on Windows ME does not make you a daredevil. It makes you an idiot.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
You may want to start your search for a Mother's Day gift earlier this year, so you don't end up getting her another mousepad with your picture on it.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
You will avoid damage from sticks and stones, but words will hurt you when your voice-activated door closes before you get through it.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
You will get the last donut, but it will involve premeditated murder.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
No, it's not a cool new screensaver. Your monitor is burning from the inside.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Warmer temps make going outside much more appealing. You'll once again resist the urge.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Your boss is looking for you. Apparently, he has caller ID and doesn't appreciate a good prank call.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Science one day may discover a cure, but until then you'll have to suffer with your lack of personality.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Your new dual video card system is the ultimate hotness so hot, in fact, that it will melt your case.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
The horde you beat up with a fishing pole found out where you live. Be sure to keep your rod and reel handy.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
It's much easier these days to stay in touch with friends and family. You'll have to work even harder now to avoid them.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Summer's approaching which means it's time to break out the pants with cooling fans in them.