Wednesday, March 29 12:00 AM ET

Iran Pledges to Develop a
Bionuclear Bomb

Washington D.C. - Officials in Tehran today, pledged that if the United States develops biofuels, like biodiesel from soybeans and used French fry oil, they will build a nuclear bomb out of the same materials.

When interviewed Dr. Bob Deaver of the IAEA (the international commission dedicated to regulation of nuclear materials) stated that because we were talking about bionukes, we should talk to the European agency dedicated to regulation of soybeans and used French fry oil (EIEIO).

Dr. Ed McDonald retiring president of the EIEIO stated the problem was not as simple as it seems. First, it's not just a matter of banning soybeans and French fry grease, but the technology used to enrich vegetable oil. "If you want to keep any country from building a bionuke, you must keep them from having deep fat fryers and strictly limit the importation of potatoes.

The Iranian agriculture minister, Mijhem Khreisha stated that Iran, just like any other country has the right to French fries.  "French fries and soybeans both have nonmilitary uses like food and building materials. We have the right to die an early death due to coronary arterial disease, just like anyone else."

French Minister for Agriculture and Fisheries Hervé Gaymard offered to fry spuds and ship them to Iran thus allowing Iran to have there fries without having the ability to enrich oils or other soy products; however Khreisha said that this solution would not be acceptable. "We are a sovereign nation. Our people have the right to eat fried foods that are not soggy and old, besides the French would probably spike our food with mustard or something."

If Iran chooses to continue down its path to French fry/soy bombs, the matter could be brought to the Security Council of the United Nations.