Friday, March 17 12:00 AM ET

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
You will suffer third degree burns to your hand after overclocking your Blackberry.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
You'll set an NCAA bracket record when all of the teams you picked lose in the first round.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
The green beer you drank isn't green because of food coloring. It's a fluorescent flesh-eating bacteria. That's one way to lose weight.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Once again you'll strike out with your "Kiss me I'm an Irish geek" t-shirt.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Overclocking your computer is important, but it will be summer soon and you'll need the refrigerator again for food.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
You will be hurt when someone leaves a tube of acne medication on your desk, but you will be devastated when you find out it was your Mom.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
You'll be brought back to reality when you realize you know your dwarf hunter's ranged attack power by heart, but forgot your kid's birthday.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
You will think wearing green pants made someone pinch your butt, until you realized you just backed up into a cactus.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
You'll realize D&D adventures become much more interesting when the GM is completely drunk.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
The stars would kiss you because you're Irish, but they're too far away. At least that's their excuse.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Placing a 4-leaf clover on your video card will not help you with fragging, but it will short-circuit your computer. At least now you'll have something different to do on St. Patrick's day.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
Having to tell your boss your name three times before he remembers you may be a bad sign.