Friday, February 10 12:00 AM ET

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
Someone will give their heart to you this Valentine's Day, which you then use to complete your experiment in re-animation.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Not fragging your signifigant other in Far Cry is not an appropriate Valentine's Day gift.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Your plans for a romantic evening are thwarted by a Star Trek marathon on Spike.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Putting your significant other's life in danger so that you can dress up like a superhero and save them is not so much romantic as it is criminally negligent.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Be warned! In no way shape or form can the song My Humps be considered 'romantic'. Do Not put it on a mix-CD.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
You will get your one true love a new video card for Valentine's day. Then put it in its slot.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
The stars don't know much about love, but they know you'll have to do better than an animated GIF of a heart.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
Your plans to write a trailer review for The Pink Panther will be thwarted by it's complete suckiness.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
She may live in another country, and she may not really be a she, but she's your imaginary girlfriend, dammit!

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Who says Empire Strikes Back isn't a romantic movie? There's a kiss, isn't there?

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
The Stars will reveal to you your one true love... Astronomy.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
You will find love this week. It's above the Cerebellum between Wernicke's area and the Occipital lobe.