Friday, May 13 12:00 AM ET

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Yes, it is wrong that you're turned on by C3PO. Besides, R2D2 is much hotter.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Yodaspeak you do, the stars mad it makes. Make an angry cat your Princess Leia towel shred, they will.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
You'll be dissapointed to find out that Wookiee growling is not one of the languages Tolkien created.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
Your Star Wars LARP will be constantly interrupted during the Hoth scene by the cooks coming in and out of the freezer room in the kitchen of your mom's restaurant.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
Your whistled version of the Star Wars theme is making John Williams spin in his grave, and he's not even dead.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Your dream of co-producing "Revenge of the Sith: On Ice" is crushed when George Lucas knocks you unconscious with a plastic light saber.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
"101 Ways To Prove Han Shot First" is not an appropriate title for your Master's Thesis.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
You may think you are using the Force, but it's just telekinesis. Sorry.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
You will be dissapointed that the Sith's revenge is not beating up George Lucas for screwing up Episodes I and II.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
This is not the horoscope you're looking for.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Eating junk food in the EpIII queue for three weeks straight will give you a severe case of "Sith's revenge."

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
The stars admit they are your father. It was Mardi Gras. They were drunk, so was your mom. They never met again.