Thursday, February 24 12:00 AM ET

War on Terror Ends in Surrender

Washington D.C. - The War on Terror ended abruptly yesterday, shocking millions around the world when Terror surrendered unconditionally to the US and its allies.

Osama Bin Laden was the first to begin this historically unprecedented event by turning himself in to US troops stationed not 100 yards from his cave. "I don't know what I was thinking," he said, "it was foolish of me to challenge the might of the United States and the overwhelming intelligence of Mr. Bush."

He was arrested on the spot and given the 25 million dollar reward for his capture.

Military personnel and police around the world were struggling to find room in detention facilities as insurgents from Iraq to Afghanistan were showing up en masse and demanding to be arrested. Even rogue North Korean leader Kim Jong Il appeared in Seoul, driving a semi-trailer filled with nuclear weapons, saying he was deeply sorry for frightening the world with imminent destruction.

Steven Procter, a market analyst, ventured an explanation for the strange phenomenon. "Recently, America has gained a monopoly on terror, with a volume of weapons and tanks and personnel that small, fringe groups like Al Qaeda and Hamas have been struggling to compete with. It's not surprising that their attitudes have shifted."

At a news conference, a reporter asked President Bush if this unexpected and sudden end to the War on Terror would mean his administration would begin shifting its focus to domestic problems, like the sagging economy and record unemployment.

"What kind of a question is that? What are you, a terrorist? It seems to me that as long as we have people like YOU running around this war is far from over," he replied as men in suits grabbed the reporter by the arms and dragged him out of the room.