Tuesday, September 7 12:00 AM ET

Handy Email Response for Well-meaning Friends and Neighbors

Dear [ ] Friend [ ] Family Member [ ] Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent email concerning the political future of our country. I am glad that you are concerned about the political process and that you thought well enough of me to send me a copy.

However, at this time, I've made up my mind who I'm voting for. Chances are that you have too. Barring last minute acts of cannibalism by either party (verifiable), I'm not changing my mind. Chances are, you aren't changing your mind either.

Personally, I'm not interested in hearing about what happened 30 years ago, or which candidate was rude to someone, or what the candidate's third grade teacher thought of him. Really.

There is still a long way to go until the election, and I'm already tired of the discourse. So let's agree not to discuss politics. If you need something to discuss/argue, I'm more than willing to discuss/argue:

• Your favorite castaway on Gilligan's Island
• Which religion is the one, true religion
• Your favorite hotdog topping
• Football
• The appropriateness of wearing white after Labor Day

If you are one of the few people left who haven't made up their mind who they are voting for; here's what I recommend:

• Keep up on current events, read the newspaper
• Search out news sources that present both sides in an open format; they are tough to find, but they do exist

Your friend, (unless you send me another one of these emails)

<insert name here>