Friday, April 16 12:00 AM EDT

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Although Purpleade and Orangeade were a big hit, your color-based naming scheme for energy drinks will flop when you begin selling Cyanade.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
You'll stop planning your party for the series finale of Friends when you realize that you've always hated the show.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
You might want to learn how to use Photoshop a little better before using it to "enhance" your personal ad picture.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
If you stayed true to your overclocking self, you should have set your clock ahead 1.67 hours during daylight savings time.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
You'll rethink your position of repairing the Hubble telescope when you find out scientists have been using it to spy on you in the shower all these years.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
You get what you pay for. Especially when it comes to free AOL CDs.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
If you don't have something nice to say, send it in an e-mail.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
You thought your veggie-peeling skills would go to waste, until earth is invaded this week by Space Yams.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Your world will come crashing down this week when your doctor discovers you are allergic to keyboards.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Your decision to testify in front of the 9/11 Commission will be met with absolute bewilderment as the only thing you did on 9/11/2001 was download pr0n.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
The more extra lives you earn, the more it occurs to you that you have no life.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Unfortunately, you'll realize that it wasn't an April Fool's joke. Your job really is going to be performed by a primitive tribe in Madagascar. Start packing up your desk.