Monday, March 22 12:00 AM EST

Nokia "Drunk-Phone" Eliminates Inebriated Calls

New York, NY - Nokia announced the upcoming release of the “Drunk-Phone that will eliminate calls received at an early hour from inebriated friends.

The "Drunk-Phone" comes with an integrated breathalyzer, which determines if the person wishing to use the phone is sober enough to do so responsibly. If a high enough blood-alcohol level is detected, the phone becomes inoperable.

A marketing survey conducted by Nokia showed most cell phone customers think the new feature is a great idea for other people's phones, however they feel that it is unnecessary for themselves.

"Jason, are you kidding me?" responded his girlfriend, Kerry Stiles. “You don't remember calling me at 2:30 in the morning last night saying that you killed a spider? And what about the time you called [Jason's ex-girlfriend of three years prior] Cynthia, and told her you loved her and wanted to come over and bang her? You were so drunk that you didn't realize I was standing right next to you!"

The "drunk call" feature will not be activated until midnight on weeknights, although it will be activated all weekend, since most college students view the time between Friday afternoon and Monday morning as "drunk time".

This article appears courtesy of the fine folks at The Fake News.

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