It was the year of The Return of the King, X Men
2 and Pokémon Heroes. It was 2003 and now it is January 2004,
the time of year when no good trailers premiere so we have to fill
it
up with
silly
awards
for the trailers that were reviewed last year. We reviewed twenty-four
trailers last year. I'd love to give each of them an award, but some
were so average that it would be impossible.
Worst Trailer of the Year
The nominees are...
Tears of the
Sun - "I'm sure you'll all be relieved that Tears of
the Sun doesn't feature Colin Farrell or Ben Affleck. Though,
after viewing this trailer you might be wishing that it did."
Pokémon
Heroes - "...from
a director who was "chief rigging electrician" on Zoolander,
comes the fifth Pokémon movie that's so bad it's guaranteed
to drive you insane."
Underworld - "We're
not subtly reminded of other films. They're forcibly inserted into
our frontal lobe like a reverse-lobotomy."
The Cat
in the Hat - "This trailer is not funny. It does not make
me want to see the movie. This trailer has cost this economy three
million jobs. This trailer is a miserable failure."
Timeline - "Too
bad they couldn’t go back in time and make a good movie."
And the Spottie for Worst Trailer of the Year goes to...
The Cat in the Hat
At least Pokémon Heroes made me laugh unintentionally.
Best Trailer Featuring Colin Farrell and the Eyebrow of Power™ The nominees are:
Daredevil - Colin
had a small role in this trailer based on a comic book superhero.
Jennifer Garner helps this trailer out a lot.
The Recruit -
Colin plays an athletic super genius (yeah, I know, that kills
the believability right there) in this generic action trailer.
Al Pacino
saves it
from being dreadful.
S.W.A.T. -
Colin plays a renegade S.W.A.T. stud (yeah, I know, that
kills the believability
right there) in this generic action trailer. Good music and Mace
Windu save it from being dreadful.
Phone
Booth - Colin plays a slimy, annoying philanderer (finally
a role we can imagine him in). Interesting concept, but not Colin's
just too annoying to make it any good. The Spottie
goes to...
Daredevil
It
was hard to decide, but I think the trailer that was the best
was the one that featured Colin the least, imagine that.
Best Trailer Based on a Comic Book or Video Game
The nominees are...
Tomb Raider:
The Cradle of Life - There were only two very good reasons
to see this trailer. LXG - Indiana
Jones meets the X-Men.
The Hulk - Set
the gold standard for most cuts in a trailer.
X-Men 2 -
Went through so many name changes it almost got three nominations.
Daredevil -
Could it be the first two Spottie winner?
And the Spottie goes to...
X-Men 2:United X
Not much competition in this category. X-Men was
the clear winner.
Best Trailer of the Year
The nominees are...
X-Men 2 - This trailer
did a good job introducing a lot of characters.
A Mighty Wind -
Hilarious trailer that left me wanting to see the movie.
The Matrix
Revolutions - Great special effects and ominous overtones made
this one to remember.
The Return
of the King - I did not think that I could want to see this
movie more, but this trailer did that to me.
And the Spottie for Best Trailer of the Year goes to...
The Return of the King
Great music, effects, story. This one had it all.
No one else really had a chance.
Final Thoughts
It was a good year for trailers with lots of geeky
movies hitting the screens: The Matrices, The Return of the King
and all the comic book fare. Nothing like that is on schedule for
2004,
so we will just have to hope for some surprises or maybe another
Pokémon sequel.
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