Friday, October 3 12:00 AM EDT

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Listening skills will prove painfully important this week when you are advised on what to wear to a Microsoft banquet. "Dressed nicely, like in a tux," Is worlds away from what you hear: "Dressed nicely, as Tux."

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
You may want to hold off on doing that.. you know... until next week. The conjunction of Mars and the Big Dipper this week is not conducive to doing... you know.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
After three reinstalls, maybe you should look for the problem elsewhere. Are you sure that cable is plugged in?

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
You spend more time chatting with the IRC chatbot than real people this week. Surprisingly, you feel much less frustrated than normal.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
Better get an early start on your Halloween costume, you want to be the best looking Frederick the Dancing Maggot at the party, don't you?

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Your prospects for Governor of California look dim as the latest poll has you at -34%.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
You'll spend the better part of a week trying to convince Southern Hemispherites that it's now fall and not spring, until you realize they're in a different time zone.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Better start brushing your teeth again, only a few more weeks until Halloween.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
The ladies won't be impressed that you've processed your spent fuel rod 8,017 times. You might want to keep that little fact to yourself.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
People just don't need to rent Zambonis in Hawaii. Give up the dream.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
Sure, you're used to the "nice mask" comments all year long even though you aren't wearing one, but this time of year it gets ridiculous. Better go into hiding under the bridge.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
People laughed at you when you told them you spent more money on your computer than on your car. The stars just want you to know that they're laughing too.