Friday, August 1 12:00 AM EDT

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
Your horoscope looks pretty good today. Seriously, tell Molly Simms we said "Hi."

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
This week, a letter from your bank will convince you that your TNT2 card will do fine for the next year.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Looks like you picked the wrong week to stop changing passwords.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Your friends are all jumping off a cliff. What are you waiting for?

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
This week the sun will rise and set again - as always. Get used to it.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
This week you will discover that one of your favorite words doesn't mean what you think it means. You've been using it incorrectly for two years. Also, girls don't think you're funny, guys don't think you're cool, and small animals don't like you. Oh, wait, sorry this was supposed to be for Virgo. My bad.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
You are slowly starting to realize, that trekkers take their hobby seriously. If not, finding a Klingon head in your bed should help.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
You were assured the code you had to work on was well commented. Unfortunately, it's in a rare Ojibwean dialect.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Gee, maybe your boss was being sarcastic when he commented on paying you to chat with friends online. On the bright side, you've got a lot more uninterrupted time for chatting now!

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Two GB of memory is impressive, but probably Windows 3.11 isn't the best OS to utilize it.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
You'll spend 18 hours a day in front of your computer, but you'll still be able to laugh at the fantasy football geeks.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
People who live in glass houses should wear robes.