Friday, July 18 12:00 AM EDT

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Even though you swear you saw that stapler move during the earthquake, no, you do not have the Force.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
Usually you're hacking out database code, but this week you're rewriting a new engineering spec redefining "unbreakable."

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
There are better words than "Innovative" to describe your tendencies to abandon projects you've started and hyped a lot.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
You will inadvertently use one of Microsoft's wizards to complete a task today, ushering in the first of the 7 horsemen of the apocalypse.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Even though Novell backed the Linux community, it's still okay to slap anyone who uses it.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
This week you find out everything you type on a message board is the intellectual property of the owner of the board. Remember to read online agreements in more detail in future.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
No. That guy with the paper clip was not trying to summon the unholy spirit of Clippy, so put down the baseball bat.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
The stars say that you can't help yourself from clicking this link.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Ninety degree heat and five P4 systems in one room, time to over clock the AC.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
The power outage this week will teach you to never plug the laser printer into the server's UPS.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Yellow ball beckons
New computer games released
Maybe next summer

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
The boss will not be impressed when you show him your new pocket protector in the annual finance meeting with the new CEO.