Friday, June 20 12:00 AM EDT

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
The guys from Netflix called, they want to know why you've put all 14,000 movies in your rental queue, especially The Big Lebowski.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Sure, the dust bunnies in your computer case had a hand in destroying your video card, but giving them a bath was probably the bigger issue.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
You've found something louder than the airhorn to blast at telemarketers, unfortunately keeping the jet engine running all the time takes a lot of fuel.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
According to your friends using duct tape to fix your keyboard doesn't make you an ubergeek. Apparently dork != geek.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
A small leak will sink a great ship, but a public leak at Borders will land you in jail.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
How were you supposed to know that Beggin' Strips were dog treats?

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
"You won't like me when I'm angry." That's nothing, people don't like you in any emotional state.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Your "Why do you think they call it a 'hard' drive?" line doesn't convince your spouse that your porno collection needs to be kept on your computer.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
Blaming Orrin Hatch for destroying your parents' computer will only work if you remember to hide the soldering iron and the fire extinguisher.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Congratulations on that new Pentium 6 you just bought, despite the fact that they don't exist yet.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
The stars can't give you your horoscope today. They are waiting in line at the bookstore for the new Harry Potter book.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
You'll realize how bored you are at work when you start counting the amount of letters in the names of all your desktop icons.