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New York, NY - Verizon announced today that its familiar "Can
you hear me now?" Guy has been diagnosed with a fast growing
brain tumor. "Hear-Me-Now Guy, as we call him around here, has
a benign growth on the right side of his brain near the right ear," said
a Verizon Spokesperson.
Officially, Verizon denies any relation between the tumor and Hear-Me-Now
Guy's occupation, and claim it's just a "happy coincidence." Anonymous
sources told a different story. "Well, what do you expect, he
has that phone to his head 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Something
like this was bound to happen. People think the whole ad campaign
is some kind of setup, but he really does travel the country testing
the connection 24/7."
 Ironically,
the tumor has put pressure on his auditory nerve and he is now unable
to hear the reply when he asks "Can you hear me now?" Only
a flashing light on the side of the cell phone lets him know a connection
has been made and he can move a step to the left.
"The doctor tells me I'll be fine, but the tumor is inoperable," said
Hear-Me-Now Guy. "I've started putting the phone to the left
side of my head now in hopes that I can get some sort of tumor-symmetry,
so I don't look stupid.
"And now that I can't hear I can really get back at the people
who walk up to me and say 'Can you hear me now?' snidely. I point
to the tumor and say 'I've got an inoperable brain tumor so as a
matter of fact I can't!' That really shuts them up quickly."
In a separate announcement Verizon said they have contacted former
Dell spokesman, Ben Curtis, for a new "Dude, you're getting
a cell!" ad campaign.
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