Friday, February 14 12:00 AM EDT

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
You can't fake love, but you can probably fool your parents into thinking you have a real date this weekend.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
You'll spend a lot of in-and-out time this weekend, if you know what I mean. Yup, it's time to back up that 120 GB hard drive onto CD-ROMs again.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
If loving you is wrong, then why did we get married again?

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
You'll consider changing the Internet dating service you use, because it keeps setting you up with dogs, and that last golden retriever was down-right rude.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
You will become a major object of attraction this week, unfortunately it's between the steel plate in your head and the giant electromagnet down at the junkyard.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
You'll be relieved to discover that pregnancy tests aren't color coded like resistors, because for a minute there you thought two red stripes meant you were having 22 kids.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
You'll discover the person of your dreams this week, unfortunately it wasn't a good week for dreams.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
'Tis better to have loved on-line than to have lost all self-respect by going on Joe Millionaire.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
You'll realize you're spending too much time at the computer when you start thinking the router and the cable modem are winking at each other a bit too much.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
You'll finally discover a way out of your bad relationship, unfortunately it will require jail time and three faked deaths.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Flowers make a great Valentine's day present, of course if you had anybody to give them to, you wouldn't be reading your Geek Horoscope.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Don't live each day like it's your last, because you'll never do any laundry, and there'll never be anything in your freezer.