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Phoenix, AZ - Lance Hymer, 31, like many of Generation X, is eagerly
awaiting the final chapter of the Star Wars saga, and like the rest
he's worried that Episode III may ruin his childhood.
 "I
have a lot invested in the Star Wars movies, and I don't mean
financially like my friend Ted. I mean in here," Hymer said
pointing to his heart. "When I saw Star Wars for the
first time I was like 'wow.' When Empire came out I was like
'double wow.' Those were the greatest times of my life, and now that's
all in jeopardy."
Episode I and Episode II filled Hymer with dread.
He could feel his idyllic memories slipping away. "I'm worried
that through some plot twist Episode III could entirely alter
how I feel about the original trilogy. What if the Jedi turn out
to the bad guys? What if there really is no 'force?' It could alter
my reality in an awful way."
Hymer isn't the only one concerned. His neighbor, Hans Oloman, isn't
worried about his childhood, but about his "golden years." Oloman
has over $300,000 in Star Wars memorabilia stored in his basement,
and plans to sell the merchandise to finance his retirement. "A
really bad Episode III could mean all my years at yard sales
and on eBay could've been in vain. I might be living in this giant
AT-AT on the street instead of the Shady Acres Golden Village. Do
you want that on your conscience Mr. Lucas?"
Demographers fear another "lost generation" if Episode
III stinks. "Generation X is perched on the edge of the Sarlacc's pit
and something as ruinous as a Star Wars failure could push them
right in," said Dana Phillipe from the Make It Good Foundation.
No one is certain what George Lucas might put in the final film.
Rumors of a Jar Jar/ewok love scene and a musical scene involving
Emperor Palpatine have fans of every generation on edge.
Gloria Wilkens from Lucasfilms said, "Mr. Lucas realizes how
important the films are to millions of fans around the globe and
appreciates their concerns. That is why he's taken even more control
of Episode III than any of the other films."
"Nooooooooooooooo..." sobbed Hymer.
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