Satire for Smart People
  About BBlog BBloopers BBoard Video BBshop Archives
Features
The BBspot BBook
The BBook of Geek
In stores this fall. Preorder it today at Amazon

BBlog

Daily Links - 7/4/08 Fourth of July Eve! Daily Links - 7/3/08
BBloopers
Subliminal CAPTCHAs
Zombie Tour
Scary Implants
Top 11
Top 11 Reasons Bill Gates Really Left Microsoft
PC Weenies
The New iPhone 3G
Heart to Heart
What IT Folks Really Mean
Geek Horoscopes
Random Geek Horoscopes
Classics
How White and Nerdy Are You?
Bush Proposes Faith- Based Firewalls for Government Computers
Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan
Slashdot Story Generator
Which OS Are You?
Teen Using MySpace to Lure Bands to Los Angeles
Games
Pinch Hitter 2
Shrunken Heads
Funny Bubbles
RSS
BBlog XML/RSS feed
Add to Google
Add to My Yahoo!
Save This Page
Follow on Twitter
Recommended
Fark
Broken Newz
The Toque
Worth 1000
PC Weenies
Mental Floss
Smashing Games
Free Codecs
SlushFactory
Geek Press
I-Mockery
FreeWorldGroup
Geek of the Day
Um... Things
Jokes Gallery
Yo! Free Games
Funny Pictures
More Links

Thursday,  January 23 12:01 AM EDT

Hackers Demand Benefits

By Brian Sizemore

Washington DC - A group of hackers, crackers and malicious code writers filed suit today against several prominent businesses and organizations, insisting that they should receive health care and retirement benefits for their work at the companies' web sites. Amongst the companies and organizations listed in the lawsuit were the Department of Defense (DoD), Amazon, Microsoft, and of course the RIAA.

"I read about how eBay is providing health benefits to its sellers, and I thought, if they can get it, why not me?" stated William Kenowitz, aka Phr1d4y. "I mean, damn, I spend as much time on-line as some power seller, and if I come down with the flu, that can take me away from checking out CNN's perimeter defenses for a week, maybe longer."

Fellow claimant Ganesh Rudhi agreed. "I was working some huge hours putting the final touches on my fourth DDOS attack against the RIAA website when, bang, I pulled a back muscle while hunched over my laptop. It cost me a bloody fortune at the emergency room, and by the time I could get back online, they had changed their firewall configuration. Wasted weeks of effort for nothing."

The hacking community is predominately composed of high school and college students due to the availability of health coverage by hackers' parents or schools. Oftentimes as soon as that coverage ends, however, so does a hacker's career in favor of one that will provide needed benefits.

Attorney Sam Tonning made an official statement after filing the lawsuit in court. "These people are hard working Americans, and they deserve the same fundamental protection as the rest of the working community. Their actions force Microsoft into actually fixing their software, and keep thousands of people employed at companies like Symantec, ZoneLabs and SANS. It is simply unethical for society to allow them to fall through the cracks without simple health care or retirement plans."

A self-styled hacker only known as "bUbBlEs" added, "We only want what's fair. That Mitnick guy got free room and board from the government for five years. We're not going that far. Me, I'd be happy with a 401k account matched by the DoD." When notified that the military does not use 401k accounts, bUbBlEs exclaimed, "You gotta be kidding - that's even worse than us. All right, I'll take shares of Microsoft instead." Microsoft stock lost 1.26 on the news.

More Tech News

Recommend this Story to a Friend

Previous Story:

Trailer Review: Daredevil
Next Story:

U.S.-Led Iraq War Slated for Super Bowl Halftime Show


  Politics Contact FAQs
A
D

Yahootemplates Web Templates - Goverment Grants - bingo - PDF to Doc Converter - Panic Attack - Internet Eraser Software
DirectoryDump Web Directory - Online Advertising Directory - Voshy Funny Videos
Hugewallpaper Free Wallpapers - Private Krankenversicherung - Recover Deleted Files - dvdxcopy platinum - Mortage Rate Deals

Copyright 1999-2008 by BBspot LLC
BBspot is a tech satire news and geek humor source, and meant to be funny.
If you are easily offended, gullible, or don't have a sense of humor, we suggest you go elsewhere. Those without the geek gene activated should also avoid this site.