Friday, December 20 12:00 AM EDT

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
You have nothing to fear but fear itself. And the piranha swimming in your coffee.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Christmas is coming soon. Shouldn't you have finished those Thanksgiving leftovers by now?

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
The stars demand you sacrifice your GeForce4 to them. The sacrifice should be sent via UPS, by the way.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
You just asked the girl you met to go see The Two Towers on your first date. Hint: A rose might make the date a bit less geeky.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
You're going to win the 50/50 draw at your office Christmas party. But for Pete's sake, don't do your victory dance. Nobody needs to see that again.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
No horoscope for you! Next!

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Who needs a space heater when you work in a small office with no windows and 12 computers.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
You're so far down on Santa's naughty list, that instead of coal, he's leaving a copy of Novell Netware in your stocking.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
All the natural light in your office will be gone when the half-blind painter accidentally makes your windows yellow.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
Maybe quitting your job to follow your dream wasn't such a good idea, when was the last time a 5'10" white guy who didn't even start on his high school basketball team was drafted by the Los Angeles Lakers?

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
We don't need another December holiday not even Geekwanzmaskah.

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Even though it's called Boxing Day, don't go pick a fight with your little sister. She'll kick your ass.