Friday, November 22 12:00 AM EDT

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Your hard drive will crash again this week. Perhaps it's time to place your huge ass-magnet a bit further away from the computer.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
No, downsizing does not mean you're getting smaller french fries at the company cafeteria.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
It's almost December, that means it's time to throw out last year's Christmas tree.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
It's never a good idea to wake up a rabid weasel. Especially if it's sleeping on top of your keyboard.

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Your Power Point presentation is very exciting but it might be a bit presumptuous submitting it for Academy Award consideration.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
You'll find your threats to quit this week fall on deaf ears. Maybe if you weren't self-employed it'd be more effective.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
You feel much safer with the creation of the Office of Homeland Security. They'll make a much better target for terrorists than your office at the Pentagon.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
You'll realize you're spending too much time coding this week as you find yourself creating code common household chores in your head. While trash=full; empty() trash

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Yes, your new iMac will fit in the turkey deep fryer. Maybe an alcohol-free Thanksgiving would be a good idea next year.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
You'll realize this week that clicking until you find the song you want to hear defeats the purpose of having WinAmp on random play.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
Ruining the perfect season of your scarlet and gray arch-rival this Saturday will be especially sweet. No funny comments in this one. Go blue!

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
The authentication of the bin Laden audio tape confirms your conspiracy theory that the moon landing was faked.