Friday, November 8 12:00 AM EDT

Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
The world is big. Go out there and explore. No, I don't mean the world in Everquest.

Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
Take some extra time to explain to your incompetent co-worker how to run the new software.  If he still doesn't understand, stuff him in the filing cabinet.

Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Your great idea for a domain name would have guaranteed you business. Too bad you registered it with Verisign. They just sold it to someone else.

Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
You'll realize just how bad the political commercials were this year when you find yourself pining for Carrot Top and Steve the Dell dude

Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Grizelda in Human Resources is still bitter about you beating her in bridge. She's been recouping her losses from your paychecks.

Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
You will want to confirm that she didn't say "Do you like my bangs?" rather than "Would you like to bang?" to avoid an embarrassing incident with your sister.

Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Your plan to halve the cooking time of your deep-fried turkey by doubling the temperature of the oil will result in a burnt turkey, melted Reeboks, and a garage that will forever smell of french fries.

Gemini
May 21 - June 21
This week, you will successfully convert your Shadowrun characters to a MySQL database. The bad news is you'll still be socially retarded.

Cancer
June 22 - July 22
Having P.O.D. and Nelly MP3s in your music collection doesn't mean you like all kinds of music. Get over yourself already.

Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
Bragging to your Unix peers that you own stock in Microsoft will get you a punch in the neck and three cents on the dollar.

Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
You will realize this morning that the "AMIGA RULEZ" tattoo may have been your all-time worst decision. Well, that or the fraternity thing.

Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
We know you're web savvy and all, but this letter from the Nigerian millionaire really sounds sincere.