Libra
Sep 23 - Oct 23
Maybe it's the lighting, or maybe it's the beer, but you've never seen your Athlon
looking so hot before.
Scorpio
Oct 24 - Nov 21
Your parents always wanted you to take over the family carpentry business,
but you decided to be a programmer, so you'll become a bit suspicious this
week when all the items in your Amazon Gold Box are power tools.
Sagittarius
Nov 22 - Dec 21
The stars agree that your grandmother's funeral is important, but certainly
not as urgent as practicing Unreal Tournament 2003.
Capricorn
Dec 22 - Jan 19
Bad news: Some DEA-enforcement types will kick down the door to your home.
Good news: Since the procedure for "Ecstasy from catnip" you found
on alt.drugs.chemistry is a complete hoax, you won't go to jail. Gullibility
is not a crime, after all. And neither is cooking dog turd in a round-bottom
flask with constant stirring at 203 centigrade.
Aquarius
Jan 20 - Feb 18
It may be the hardest thing you ever do in your life, but this week you'll
find the courage to come out of the closet and admit you've been experimenting
with Apple's OS X.
Pisces
Feb 19 - Mar 20
Working on your revolutionary "Micro Ebola"-virus during paid hours
is ethically questionable at best. Releasing it into the wilderness tacked
on to your status report to the boss is simply intolerable. You deserve to
be fired and go to jail. |
Aries
Mar 21 - Apr 19
Getting yourself a sexy escort for that "We shipped it on schedule"-party
is definitely a clever move and well worth the money. Make sure the girl is of
age and not your boss' daughter like last time though.
Taurus
Apr 20 - May 20
Impersonating a 20-year-old nymphomanic/submissive woman with a knack for corsets
and lingerie will get you a lot of attention in AOL chatrooms. Resist the urge,
however, to conduct online sex in 'l33t sp34k. And whatever you do -- DON'T
wisecrack on your position in the python vs. perl-debate.
Gemini
May 21 - June 21
Yes, eating 24 hot-dogs in three minutes certainly is a talent, but probably
not something you want to share at every job interview.
Cancer
June 22 - July 22
When your home ISP goes bankrupt, you will be forced to find a second job so
you can have a place to surf during the evening.
Leo
July 23 - Aug 22
Prepare to be mocked, as you suggest that digital cameras are better than film
cameras because only film cameras can steal your soul.
Virgo
Aug 23 - Sep 22
It's always good to carry around some salt. You'll need it when you get
locked in your office for the weekend and are forced to eat your mousepad to
avoid starvation. |
