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Washington DC - Jack Valenti of the Motion Picture Association of
America, alongside Hilary Rosen of the Recording Industry of America
held a joint press conference this morning to announce their new
plan of action in the ongoing battle against digital piracy. The
following is a transcript of that conference:
Valenti: I'm glad you could all be with us today to witness
the unveiling of the ultimate weapon to curb digital piracy.
Rosen: Yes, it brings me great pleasure to introduce you to
the "Shock-tron-Omega-3"... <snicker>... <pause>
V: Umm yes, thank you Hilary. As she was saying, the "Shock-tron-Omega-3" will
enable us to...
R:<stifling laughter> I'm sorry Jack, I just can't go
on... We had better tell them...
Both: <burst out laughing>
V: You should have seen the look on your faces, people!
R: <mockingly> "Oh no, we're going to have to wear
that gigantic helmet whenever we wanna listen to CDs". You people
are gullible.
Vi: Really, how far were you going to let us go? Seriously?
Both: <laughing>
V: You're all sheep, people! Sheeple!
R: Baaaaaa
V: You know, when we originally came up with this act, I didn't
think it'd last a week... "Someone's sure to recognize this as
pure farce *right* away", I said.
R: Two weeks, tops.
V: But apparently people don't care. Nothing we did ever triggered
more than a token amount of resistance.
R: I could murder your mother with a pickax on CSPAN and you
people would still rush out to buy the latest "hit" CDs.
V: Or platinum special editions! Man you guys crack me up!
R: Well, I guess that's it, thanks for coming to our press conference!
If you're interested in buying a transcript of the conference, we're
selling them at the door, on 2 cent pieces of plastic for 20 dollars
a piece!
V: Jackasses.
Both: <Exchange high fives>
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