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Vatican City - Starting in March Catholics will only be able to
speak to God using .NET Messenger Service from Microsoft. "God
was really impressed by Microsoft's .NET framework," said the
Pope. "God didn't feel comfortable working with Yahoo! Instant
Messenger or AIM. He also mentioned that Linux was the devil's desktop."
Analysts fear that even an endorsement from God might not be enough
to overcome the problems with .NET include competition from arch
rival AOL. "AOL isn't sitting still, they have already announced
a deal with the Methodists and Hindus," said Todd Brown of CS
First Boston.
Initial reaction from beta testers has been very positive. "I
tried it out down at the church," said Gena Howard, "I
didn't think I got the right God but Father Tom said that GoD5867
was the real one. I thought it was strange though that God needed
my credit card and social security numbers. Shouldn't he have already
known that?"
Worshippers of other faiths including Apple users were upset by
the news. "I don't think I'm comfortable with one company controlling
all communications with God. I'm afraid the Catholic church may use
this power to convert other religions to Catholicism," said
a worried Mac user.
Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft, denied that any pressure would
be put to bear on nonbelievers, "Microsoft is not trying to
change your religion, but I wouldn't be surprised if you noticed
raining frogs the next time you started using ICQ."
The Vatican denied any quid pro quo with Microsoft, but sources
did report seeing the Pope sporting a new Popemobile.
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