Thursday, October 25 12:01 AM EST

Microsoft Offers Media
Alternative to Anthrax/War

New York - Released today Microsoft is promoting it's Window's XP operating system as an alternative to anthrax and war coverage to media outlets.

"Americans are tired of hearing about the latest case of inhalation anthrax or about the progress of our military campaign in Afghanistan. Frightened Americans are longing to hear about the security and stability that Windows XP offers. It gives them a comfort level that anthrax just can't offer," said Bill Gates. "This is the most important software release we have made since the last one and media saturation is necessary."

The event in New York City will feature a free performance by Sting and an appearance by New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani. Microsoft will donate the proceeds from the free performance to the Red Cross relief efforts.

A CNN spokesperson said the XP launch will not be covered by the network. "We are a serious news station and our country is in a time of crisis. It would be irresponsible of us to pander to the Microsoft PR department. Instead we'll be running our AOL: The Greatest or the Bestest? documentary."

"MSNBC agrees with Mr. Gates and is broadcasting in-depth coverage of the product launch, including opinions from people on the street in Kandahar and Kabul about the new operating system.

I haven't watched the news for years so I don't really care what they do," said Dennis Adkins of Syracuse New York, "As long as it doesn't interfere with Frasier I'm all right with it."

Tom Brokaw of NBC News said, "Today is a great day for users and for the PC industry. With the launch of Windows XP, we are entering an exciting new era of personal computing. I have been assimilated."

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