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Sunnyvale, CA - AMD announced that it would start rating its processors
using the trademarked GiggaHertz unit of measure. AMD did not
reveal how to convert GiggaHertz to gigahertz, though leaked internal
documents suggest that 1 GiggaHertz equals .5 GHz. AMD also announced
immediate availability of a new 2.8 GiggaHertz Athlon.
 Critics
immediately blasted the AMD plan as unnecessarily adding complexity
to the already confusing task of computer shopping for consumers. "We're
not trying to deceive consumers with this new measurement," responded
VP of Marketing, Mark Chilton. "Quite the contrary, in fact
to help clear up any confusion consumers may have, we are encouraging
computer manufacturers to abbreviate GiggaHertz as GHz."
Chilton continued, "We could try to explain to consumers that
more MHz doesn't necessarily mean that the chip is faster, but the
marketing axiom is that it's easier to dazzle them with simple numbers
than to tell them the hard truth."
Terry Brownlee from Intel called the new AMD method a "marketing
ploy" that is "bound to backfire." She added, "AMD
is trying to deceive consumers with their new measurement. We are
against such deception at Intel, which is why we will start labelling
our chips in units more familiar to your average consumer." She
then announced the new Pentium IV running at 669,600,000 MPH.
Customer response was mixed. Scott Yoon who just purchased a computer
system was upset by the announcement, "I'm pissed. I just bought
a 1.4 gig Athlon system yesterday. Now, just one day later my system
is already obsoleted by the 2.8 Gigg systems. Bastards."
But Vanessa Gladney was encouraged by the news, "Any major
technological advancement like AMD has taken with this new processor
can only be positive for society as a whole."
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