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Houston, TX - Compaq announced today the release of a 208 key keyboard
for people who hate the "shift" key. In a sluggish PC market
Compaq is pinning its hopes on new innovative products.
Director of Product Development Erik Mancil said, "We're a
company that takes chances. Sure our 13 button mouse didn't go over
well, but we attribute that to poor marketing not product design.
The 208 position keyboard is bound to be a blockbuster product."
Compaq plans to launch a $25 million marketing blitz using the slogan "Frightened
of a shift-y keyboard? This keyboard has been scared shiftless."
 According to keyboard researchers
at Compaq, the standard 104 position computer keyboard layout was
designed to slow down typists so the monitor can keep up. Their
research showed that the new shiftless design increased speed and
accuracy in research subjects with only one finger and in a couple
of monkeys. "Consumers of the new keyboard might have
to make a little bit more room on their desktop," said Ted Belford, "but
most people have plenty of room."
Belford dismissed critics of the keyboard who called it "ridiculous" and "impossible
to use" by stating, "What do they expect with our slashed
R & D budget?"
"I'M GLAD THERE'S A COMPANY THAT IS ADDRESSING MY NEEDS," said
Tyrone Dinardi of the SHIFT KEY HATERS ASSOCIATION, "SURE 'CAPS
LOCK' WILL WORK FOR THE LETTERS, BUT DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T GET THE
AT SIGN WITHOUT USING SHIFT? HOW ANNOYING IS THAT?"
"That's the type of user we're targeting," said Mancil, "We're
also working on a 312 key version. We really hate the 'control'
key too."
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