Thursday, July 19 12:01 AM EST

Microsoft Bundles Worm with IIS

Redmond, WA - Microsoft announced that it bundled a worm with its latest version of Internet Information Server.

"We did it because it's beneficial to our users," said Bill Gates.  "With the worm already bundled as part of the software, network administrators won't have to wonder if their system is infected. They will know.  It's obvious with the number of servers already infected with worms and Trojan horses that this is something our users want.  Otherwise, why would they be infected?"

The worm named Penfield Destroyer replicates itself and spreads to other IIS servers not already infected by the worm.  On September 18th 2001 the servers will mount a coordinated attack on the Department of Justice website.

"I like the fact that I don't have to go out and install the upgrade myself.   I was expecting one of those confusing Worm Wizard things that I always choose Typical on," said one network administrator who should remain anonymous.  "The Microsoft rep told me that they would bill us when the worm installed itself.  That's why I love working with Microsoft, innovation."

Servers installed with Linux will be safe from attack, which is by design according to Microsoft.  "We're not going to infect our worm with the GPL virus.  If our worm were to infect a Linux server then it would have to be given away for free to everyone, and then the dark curtain of Communism would surely blanket America," said a Microsoft engineer.

Security experts were unfazed by the whole affair.  "If it's a Microsoft produced worm it won't work until the third version anyway.  I'll get more worried then when Trojan Worm Virus 3.0 is released," said SecurityBreach.com's Lonnie Markow.

Confused hackers cracked the worm within 48 hours of its release and copies were available for download on warez sites.

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