Monday, June 25 12:01 AM EST

MCSE Program Comes of Age

Redmond, WA -- In a move hoped to boost enrollment in Microsoft's Microsoft Certified Professional and Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer programs, it was announced today that the MCP ID number would grant access to the special porn section of Microsoft.com.

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer was quoted as saying, "We believe this incentive program will target an elusive demographic which might not otherwise participate in the program, as well as drive revenue through targeted advertising, which is a boon to Microsoft, its customers, and shareholders alike."

Mr. Ballmer then added, "Please Cum See Me Now I am So Horny and Lonely I Will Do Anything You Desire!!"

William Gates, "Chief Software Architect" of Microsoft Inc., then chimed in, "Microsoft prides itself on being on the front lines when it comes to innovation, and incentives for certification is no different."

He concluded, "BRAZEN TEEN BITCHES CAUGHT IN THE ACT OF DOING WHATCUMS NATURALLY! SECRET SPY CAM CATCHES ALL!"

The announcement was met with mixed reactions. Forty-Three year old Bill Monroe had this to say  "I think it's great. I spent a hundred bucks on my MCP, at least now I'll get some use out of it. My wall certificate and ID card have failed to impress the ladies the way I had hoped."

Critics have noted that the downloadable and streaming videos offered are playable only by Microsoft's Media Player. "We see this as just another way for M$ to extend its monopoly, by bullying this captive audience into using Microsoft's solution instead of competitors programs. Where's the choice for the consumer?" asks Rodney Martin, owner and webmaster of www.linuxrulz_mssucks.cjb.net.

Microsoft (NASDAQ:MSFT) was up on the news.

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