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Santa Clara, CA - NVIDIA announced today the release of their newest
video card the Dermatrix 3000. The Dermatrix 3000 uses patented Fleshtonic(tm)
technology which gives Internet surfers the first video card specifically
designed to optimize flesh tones.
"While this card has a very specific target
audience, we feel that this is a very large market segment of the
video card purchasing populace," said NVIDIA marketing director
Kyle Grissom. "We can't really say what specific Internet
sites this card might be useful for, but we think some of our customers
might be able to come to their own conclusions."
In 24 bit color mode the Dermatrix 3000 allocates
15.3 million colors to flesh tones, 1 million to hair tones, and
the remaining 400,000 colors to eye pigmentation. "It's really
amazing the hue gradations that we can get in the flesh tones," said
NVIDIA engineer Jonathan Chang, "You wouldn't think the human
eye could pick up such amazingly subtle differences, but it really
makes a difference in the surfer's experience. If you know what
I mean!"
Chang continued, "It really doesn't matter if
the image is created to utilize the Fleshtonic technology or not.
The Dermatrix 3000's interpolative algorithms fill in all the right
spots. Oh yeah baby, all the right spots."
"Oh my god this is incredible," said a
panting Todd Rentwerp, "look at those $%&* they've never
looked so real. My one complaint is that the walls look a little
funky, but who ever looks there."
The stocks of both NVIDIA and Kimberly-Clark were
up on the news.
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