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Washington DC. - In a shocking story today, aliens from the Messier
galaxy filed a lawsuit against the United States Air Force. Citing
the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), the aliens are claiming
the Air Force is violating federal copyright laws by reverse engineering
their UFOs.
Reverse engineering is the act of taking an existing
product and determining how it works by disassembling it and observing
its behavior. Once a perfectly legal activity, reverse engineering
can now possibly be illegal under certain DMCA provisions.
Richard Ludwig, attorney for the aliens, said "My
clients believe that the Air Force is actively destroying the value
of my client's proprietary technology, and demand that this activity
cease immediately."
The Air Force does not seem worried about the impending
litigation. Col. Bob Rend, Air Force Director of Public Affairs,
said, "We deny ever having UFOs, much less reverse engineering
them. Even if we did [reverse engineer], we would have done it
during the 50's and 60's, long before the DMCA was law. We haven't
touched those UFOs in years." Col. Rend quickly added, "I
mean if we had any UFOs we wouldn't have touched those UFOs in
years."
Richard Ludwig rebuffed that defense saying, "We
have evidence to believe that the activity is ongoing. Besides,
the intellectual property we're trying to protect deals with space-time
manipulation. Therefore, it would be impossible to say, with any
certainty, that any past activity isn't, in fact, happening right
now, or any future activity for that matter."
Col. Rend emphatically denied these allegations with
an incredulous, "What?"
Mr. Ludwig also stated, "We currently don't
seek any monetary compensation, we just wish the reverse engineering
to cease. However, if the Air Force - or any entity that the Air
Force is affiliated with - uses this technology to defend against
an alien invasion, we will sue for damages incurred. These damages
include, but are not limited to, property damages and loss of revenue.
This would end up costing everyone involved a great deal, which
is something we ultimately wish to avoid."
When asked for his opinion on the matter, U.S. Attorney
General John Ashcroft said, "Yes, the aliens do have a possible
case here. Also, the aliens could very well sue for damages if
their attack was in any way impeded by the Air Force's use of alien
technology. Let's face it, the Air Force couldn't defend against
aliens using UFO technology and claim it to be fair use. In case
you're wondering, a good example of fair use would be using UFO
technology to evacuate high ranking cabinet officials."
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