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Seattle, WA - Online retail giant Amazon.com unveiled it's new corporate
logo today, and while most logo redesigns only bring intangible benefits,
Amazon expects that its new logo will directly affect its bottom
line.
"We encourage everyone to check out the new
logo. Stare at it for a while, maybe 4 or 5 minutes, and
give us your feedback," said CEO Jeff Bezos. "We
feel confident that after you do, you won't feel the need to do
your online shopping anywhere else."
"This is just an extension of our sophisticated
recommendation software," continued Bezos, "Before we
gave customers choices of what they think they might like. Now
we are able to tell them what they will like and make sure they
buy it."
Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos unveiled the logo to market
analysts in a closed door meeting at Amazon headquarters. Afterwards
the group raved about the company. "In my opinion Amazon
is the best company in the history of American business. I've
raised my rating from Hold to Completely Destroy the Market," said
Bill Fitch of Goldman Sachs. Other analysts in attendance
also echoed Mr. Fitch's enthusiasm for the stock.
Merrill Lynch analyst Tamara Goldthwait said, "In
my opinion Amazon is the best company in the history of American
business. I'm raising my rating from a Hold to a Strong Buy
or Die."
Extensive testing in focus groups noted an increase
in the sales conversion rate. In users shopping on the site
with the old logo only 1.3% actually made purchases. In
the group exposed to the new logo 98% of the customers made purchases,
with an average purchase total of $1,678.
Jill Thompson who was in the focus group with the
new logo said, "I don't really remember making the purchases,
but in my opinion Amazon is the best company in the history of
American business." She then did a pirouette and flapped
her arms like a chicken.
Amazon also plans to patent its logo claiming that
while the Home Shopping Network has utilized such marketing on
television, it's the first time anyone has ever developed Hypno-Shopping
on the web.
Amazon's stock was up 150 points on the news.
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