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Salt Lake City - James Renworth, CEO of Vectrex Container knew something
was wrong. The victory sequence in solitaire just didn't seem
to go as fast as it used to. "I thought maybe it was the modem," he
said, "but after consulting with my IT staff I realized
I needed a new jigga-hertz machine with a flat panel display. After
they got that thing in here, man, look at those cards go. It's a
blur. Woohoo!" Mr. Renworth also claims that the internet
runs faster.
 "We were pretty worried when he called us in," said computer
guy Craig Barris, "Usually it's 'which way does the paper go
on the fax machine?' or 'how do I send an email' but this time it
was just his solitaire running slow. The only solution was a new
computer."
"Sure, the other employees were pissed that we took so much
time installing the new system," Craig said, "but when
they realize that Outlook Express loads faster and Mr. Renworth can
leave 5 seconds earlier to play golf they won't mind."
"It's great he's got that new machine," said CAD specialist
Wendy Petska, "I've got dibs on his monitor and Frank over there
has dibs on his memory. Goodbye old 14 incher!"
Wall Street analysts also agree with the move. "After
losses of $46.2 million dollars last quarter and layoffs of 20% of
the work force, morale of the CEO is very important," said Bill
Hutchinson of Bear Stearns. "This is a very shrewd move
on his part. I'm upgrading them from buy to a super-strong
buy." Stock in Vectrex Container was up 1 1/8 in afternoon
trading.
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