Monday  July 24  10:04 PM EDT

Researchers Discover Source Of
All Tech News

Delhi, India - Researchers at IBM have announced today that they have found the source of all technology news - Gladritek, the magical news elf.  This finding completes three years of research and with this last piece of information the researchers have released a map of the path news travels before it reaches the public.  A condensed version of the chart is pictured below.

Researchers began their study after countless web users complained about the similarities in all their technology news sources.  First, the researchers traced the news linking sites, (Ars, Slashdot) which are the public's primary sources of news, back to the news producing sites (Cnet, ZDnet).   From there it was a tough jump, but finally the wall broke down and they linked the news producing sites to the corporate PR departments (Microsoft, Intel, nVidia).

"It was a very difficult study because of all the cross-linking we found. Mostly we just ending up going in circles," said IBM researcher Jennifer Gable, "but when we mapped it out however we saw a pattern emerging.  We thought the corporate PR departments were the ultimate source, but one day quite by accident we stumbled upon a link unlike any other we had found before.  It took us GladriteksNewsSource.com and it was like finding the rosetta stone."

Gladritek, the magical news elf,  has been producing technology news since the turn of last century from the first automobiles to the first Pentiums and disseminating this news through corporate PR departments. "My life became a lot easier with the advent of the web.  All I had to do was set up a site for the marketing people to gather their press releases.   It's hard work, but it's rewarding," said Gladritek.

"It's a relief for me," said tech news junkie, Tom Rogers, "I thought it was a big conspiracy by the giant corporations to control the kind of information I saw.   I'm glad it's just because a magical news elf writes all the news."

Gladritek contributed to this story.

Elf Image (C) Copyright 2000 Warp Graphics, Inc.

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